I'm back......

Things happen and the routine gets a little out of whack and the next thing you know 4 months have gone by. I have the next 4 days off, 6 books to read for school, a mountain of cataloging for work and a 2 page to-do list. So I will do what I do best and procrastinate.

Where have I been? Good question. Allow me to set the stage for my November trauma and offer a slight excuse for my incommunicado.

November 9th started like a typical Tuesday. I was my usual stressed out, trying to find balance at work self. Around 9 am I gathered some ILL and copying to take to the office. Sitting at one of the tables was a special ed assistant, Kristen, and a 4th grade student. I offhandedly said, "you're in charge" and left the library. I went to the office, used the bathroom and stopped by to see Joe so we could discuss what happened at the previous night's union meeting. Joe's door was closed so I returned to the library.

Kristen was no longer seated at the table but on the floor - dead. Eyes were open, mouth was open and her body was in an awkward position. The student was no longer in the library. I called 911 and immediately hung up despite their suggestion to stay on the line and then called the school nurse. I hung up the phone and started chest compressions. When Corrine, the nurse, arrived she called for someone to get the AED and she started mouth to mouth. When the AED arrived Corrine shocked her twice....still no life and no ambulance or cops or fire department. (Say what you will about city living but I trust emergency personnel will arrive within 3 minutes at my house.) After an eternity, or about 10 - 12 minutes, the ambulance arrived and took over. They shocked Kristen with the big paddles and were able to get a heart beat but continued bagging her. They loaded her in the ambulance and left. Very surreal as I looked around the library at the waste and carnage left over from lifesaving. No problem...I still had 30 minutes until my 1st class.

I called Ian (who unlike Rob always has his phone on) and had my melt down. He assured me that I did the right thing but that people rarely live after CPR...or at least that's what they teach him in CPR classes...so I shouldn't get my hopes up. I spent the rest of the day teaching and waiting for word about Kristen.

The principal stayed in touch with her husband and let everyone know that they lost her several more times but her heart beat was finally steady and they were worried about brain damage from the amount of time she was without life. She was put in a drug induced cold storage coma for 24 hours to preserve brain function. (laugh Rich...this is the non-medical version.) I spent the evening putting myself into an alcohol induced coma.

Her husband Steve was in the next morning to talk and pick up her purse and coat. It turns out she had some previously diagnosed heart condition that she was being treated for and her heart wasn't damaged from this. She just had some misfire and her brain never gave the beat signal to her heart. He cried and laughed and thanked me profusely saying the only reason she had any chance at all was because I started compressions. Have I mentioned I don't know CPR? I thought I was doing compressions to make her heart start beating and her breathing to start. In the beginning I felt like a failure because I couldn't bring her back to life and now this guy is crediting me with her only chance at life. Of course, all I can think about is the length of time she was dead and how horrible it will be when he and their 3 young children have to make the decision to stop life support because she was a vegetable.

By the next week she had a pacemaker and was home. Some short term memory loss and a few weeks of OT/PT and by January 2nd she was back at work. Good as new.

However, I spent some time eating too much, drinking too much and trying to control even more and sobbing in my doctor's office trying to explain this whole episode and getting my antidepressant dosage increased. I feel back to normal and have no desire to ever have the opportunity to save a life again. For god's sake....I am just a librarian.